I received a brochure today from Princess Cruises... I signed up for the brochure because I would love to go on one of the cruises..... but I can't.... I am too fearful of the impending doom of what may happen in whatsoever country I am in.
I am a thinker and an analyzer.... it over works my brain. This feeling of impending doom keeps me from doing a lot of things; it has made driving a vehicle at night very difficult .. or even being a passenger in a vehicle; because of that my travel is very short. The doctor say I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder related to car accidents.
I've had many in my past one which all most killed me.... .. the panic that I feel at times while driving is undescribable.... there are many times that I feel disassociated from what is going on around me as if I am watching TV but actually it is real life.
I have been in and out of counseling through out my life, I think it's almost time to go back. Back on the medication that I hate so much, and back to letting people know what's really going on in my life.
I am dual diagnosis with 9 years of sobriety, any and all medication that I take is prescribed by a doctor, and I do not abuse those prescriptions.
But I am still sitting here looking at this brochure and I would so love to go to the Mediterranean .... I have a friend who moved to Paris, France and I would so love to go visit him. He is so bold and courageous.
But then I also have other fears.
I'm afraid of what may happen if I was to go to another country there is so much going on in the world that is so scary and I am only somebody to me and my family and the things that I own are precious to me.... I am NOT worth kidnapping.... the impending doom of what may happen keeps me from finding out if that is true or not....!
